Technology RULES!

The History Channel is always a good place to spend some TV time. Right? Where else can you compare Saddam to Hitler? Big Foot To King Kong? The Modern Marvel of Train Wrecks vs. Smart Bombs? Indeed, the History Channel is a sort of safe haven, the moral highground (if you will) for television watchers of the world. "It's History! I'm Learning!" I'm guilty of high-hattedly assuming my History Channel program on the "A-10 Tankbuster" to be better than, say, yet another episode of CSI.

Granted, CSI is garbage. What does it say about Americans when we will sit and watch the SAME program thrice weekly? CSI: Vegas, CSI: NY, CSI: Miami, and coming soon, CSI: Green Bay. When in Reality, there is no crack-squad CSI capable of proving your guilt based on a trace element found in the rubber sole of your Nikes. Too expensive. That and MTV 'Room Raiders' have all the semen-revealing flashlights on backorder. Still, why not let the uneducated & criminal youth of America THINK that CSI units exist everywhere? "Don't do it Joe, CSI will catch your ass."

Propaganda's funny like that.

But the History Channel, you tell yourself, is somewhere safe. After all, "It's History! I'm Learning!" Oh yes, you're learning. Just not what you think. Take for instance our "A-10 TankBuster" episode. Good looking, Peppy, White Soldiers, smiling with revelry while sharing hunting stories about their "Warthogs" and the warm-fuzzy feeling of security it gives both pilot, and ground personnel. This is an Armed Forces Recruitment Film veiled as History. Eventually the hour ends and you shake off the blind urge to walk down to the Navy recruitment office and instead keep your ass firmly planted in the warm pocket of the couch.

Then "Brothers in Arms: The Untold Story of The 502" comes on. This is interesting. And involves about 3% History. First of all, "Brothers in Arms" is a Video game based on HBO's WWII mini-series "Band of Brothers". The Video Game boasts the most realistic combat game-play ever created. During the commercial break, the commercial for "Brothers in Arms" you literally want to dive for cover behind the couch as a Nazi fires his Lugar at you. The "game-play experience" is that Life-like, and of course Band of Brothers always gave you warm-fuzzies.

You watch on. The History Channel uses Computer Generated images from the Video Game throughout the program in order to recreate and tell "The Untold Story of The 502". The Narrator for the hour is your old pal Ron Livingston from Band of Brothers. Together, you and Ronno live through D-Day again, storm the Castle, get the Bad Guy, smoke cigarettes, form brotherly bonds, learn skills that can be used in the real world, AND earn money for college tuition. Hmm. One visit to the "Bros in Arms" website and you find a big ENLIST NOW button (to receive game updates + learn more). So many Layers. This is Propaganda at its finest.

But propaganda has been around forever. ENLIST NOW Propaganda is not the ultimate purpose of "Brothers in Arms: The Untold Story of The 502". Rather, The Ultimate Goal is to sell a video game product that will ultimately train America's boys to be soldiers. Selling Milk to the Cow. Capatalism at its finest. "Brothers in Arms" is a ground-combat training simulator (via the black & white Golden days of WWII). Consider this; The manual dexterity. The problem solving. The heat of combat. The anxiety of a mission. The dulling of that anxiety reaction. Gaining Confidence. It's like a Driver's Ed Simulator. Or the flight simulator on which the 9/11 terrorists learned how to fly.

So who's behind all this? The History Channel? No. I'm afraid they were compromised a long time ago. Try none other than the smartest motherfucker on the planet & the vehicle of his God complex, Microsoft (specifically their most recent release, XBOX). The lucrative Defense Department contract aside, fine work and thank you Bill Gates. Smarter than average, ruthless, easy to bully; you're the embodiment of a True American.

UPDATE: This picture has not been altered in any way. The real life Nativity image showing Mother, Child, and XBOX was taken the evening of this post at Target on Clyborn Ave. The child loves training so much he couldn't even wait to get home.