Brazen Chinese capitalists buy vintage empty bottles on the black market, refill them with the cheap stuff and resell them for hundreds to immature pallets who care more about the label than the taste anyway.
Sometimes it isn't even wine that is put back in the bottle but shockingly, "a concoction of citric acid, sodium citrate, tanning, flavoring essence, and coloring."*
Presumably, the bottle is repurchased and refilled again. And then the cycle repeats. What horror.
Now, while I don't consider myself a wine snob, I do drink a lot of red wine.
And one day years ago before I was even legal to drink, I went on a wine tasting tour to several Napa Valley vineyards where I learned how to drink vino like a pro:
1. Check it's cork.
2. Look at it.
3. Twirl it around. Look at it again.
4. Smell it. Go ahead and get the whole nose in there.
5. Taste it, swish it around awhile... wait for the finish.
Not commanding a great deal of personal wealth, I fear that what these steps have shown me over the years is that I've been drinking bad wine.
I admit to being a bottom-feeder when it comes to purchasing wine, and the system I use is intricately simple.
Anything less than $3.99 and I have trouble justifying how bad the wine tastes. But you will always find bottles on sale in the $4.00-5.99 range. Then start peaking behind the sales stickers.
Having no other clue how its done, I imagine the people who set wine prices are like Vegas bookies setting over-unders for College football Saturday-- uncanny swamis who know all the inner-workings of the game, setting the market.
"The '09 Zin? Oh, we can get $5.50 retail for that all day Baby."
So in my system, the trick to buying a bottle of wine is to simply subtract the sale price from the original price in your head. Doing this, you can typically end up with a 2nd shelf bottle of wine for bottom shelf prices.
Sometimes you get lucky and find a wine that is both tasty and cheap. I've experienced the "Two-Buck Chuck" phenomenon at varying times from Ravenswood Zinfandels and Barefoot Cabernets. Recently, I had a really good bottle of Rex Goliath Merlot.
I have at times had occasion to enjoy expensive wine. One year I worked the Chicago Wine and Food Festival held annually in Millennium Park. $100 ticket, ton of booze everywhere, Jay Cutler sitings. I worked as a Chef escort and got to wear a walkie-talkie.
Food is scarce at these things, and people typically get utterly shitfaced. On Sunday night when everyone's done falling all over the place and vomiting in park garbage cans, there are a lot of leftovers.
And while no one was allowed to leave with unopened bottles (although Bruce and I did get a few bottles of Patron for helping with their tear-down), there was plenty of expensive wine that had just been uncorked.
That's how you end up drinking a half-bottle of Penfolds Grange, retail price around $250, out of a plastic solo cup. It was damn good. Then I had a few glasses of $25 Penfolds, and it was damn good too.
In fact, in a blind taste-test, I probably could not have chosen the more expensive wine.
Which really just brings us back to the old rapper's dillema, "Why Pop Crystal"? But any ball-player or Chinese factory owner could answer that for you.
Presumably, the bottle is repurchased and refilled again. And then the cycle repeats. What horror.
Now, while I don't consider myself a wine snob, I do drink a lot of red wine.
And one day years ago before I was even legal to drink, I went on a wine tasting tour to several Napa Valley vineyards where I learned how to drink vino like a pro:
1. Check it's cork.
2. Look at it.
3. Twirl it around. Look at it again.
4. Smell it. Go ahead and get the whole nose in there.
5. Taste it, swish it around awhile... wait for the finish.
Not commanding a great deal of personal wealth, I fear that what these steps have shown me over the years is that I've been drinking bad wine.
I admit to being a bottom-feeder when it comes to purchasing wine, and the system I use is intricately simple.
Anything less than $3.99 and I have trouble justifying how bad the wine tastes. But you will always find bottles on sale in the $4.00-5.99 range. Then start peaking behind the sales stickers.
Having no other clue how its done, I imagine the people who set wine prices are like Vegas bookies setting over-unders for College football Saturday-- uncanny swamis who know all the inner-workings of the game, setting the market.
"The '09 Zin? Oh, we can get $5.50 retail for that all day Baby."
So in my system, the trick to buying a bottle of wine is to simply subtract the sale price from the original price in your head. Doing this, you can typically end up with a 2nd shelf bottle of wine for bottom shelf prices.
Sometimes you get lucky and find a wine that is both tasty and cheap. I've experienced the "Two-Buck Chuck" phenomenon at varying times from Ravenswood Zinfandels and Barefoot Cabernets. Recently, I had a really good bottle of Rex Goliath Merlot.
I have at times had occasion to enjoy expensive wine. One year I worked the Chicago Wine and Food Festival held annually in Millennium Park. $100 ticket, ton of booze everywhere, Jay Cutler sitings. I worked as a Chef escort and got to wear a walkie-talkie.
Food is scarce at these things, and people typically get utterly shitfaced. On Sunday night when everyone's done falling all over the place and vomiting in park garbage cans, there are a lot of leftovers.
And while no one was allowed to leave with unopened bottles (although Bruce and I did get a few bottles of Patron for helping with their tear-down), there was plenty of expensive wine that had just been uncorked.
That's how you end up drinking a half-bottle of Penfolds Grange, retail price around $250, out of a plastic solo cup. It was damn good. Then I had a few glasses of $25 Penfolds, and it was damn good too.
In fact, in a blind taste-test, I probably could not have chosen the more expensive wine.
Which really just brings us back to the old rapper's dillema, "Why Pop Crystal"? But any ball-player or Chinese factory owner could answer that for you.
*More on the idea of this wine flavored substitute later.
No comments:
Post a Comment